so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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