ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
