Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
