i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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