i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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