i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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