dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
