ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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