You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
