it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
