Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
