Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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