dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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