her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
