I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
