please come you make the beer taste better
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
