be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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