Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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