If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
