I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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