I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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