Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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