your thong is hanging out like whoa
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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