I think i peed on brittanys purse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
