i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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