This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
