yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
