fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
