So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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