this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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