Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
