They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
