So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
