Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
