Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
