Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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