Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
