can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
