Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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