Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
