Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
