Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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