It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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