im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
