this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
