just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
