Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
