for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
