I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
