the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
